Let my love open the door.

le 21 novembre   I’ve had a lot running through my head in the last week. I’ve been missing home a whole lot. With the holiday season coming up and Kairos Season going on, it’s not difficult to see why. 

Three years ago this weekend, do you remember where you were? Right from this moment? I was just at the end of my Kairos retreat that I’d finally had the chance to go on. “Kairos” is a retreat that’s run through Jesuit schools and I went on K10 – the tenth time this retreat was run at Fairfield. I’d had an incredible experience and was what we like to call “Kai-high.” That weekend, I was comforted in the fact that “nobody is perfect” and that “you are loved.” God exists in the relationships that we have with one another. I was given a new perspective on the world – people that had been mere acquaintances before were now connected by this special bond, and dear friends somehow seemed even dearer. We’re not all that different, and we need to embrace one another for our uniqueness as well as our sameness.
 
In the Spring of my senior year at Fairfield, I was chosen to be a part of the K13 retreat leaders. I could not have been more thrilled to be given this honor, and with the team that I was put with? Oh, it was an absolute ball. As the makings of Kairos is a “big secret,” I can’t go into detail about what happened and just why we had such a wonderful weekend. All I can say is that the Brocho Ochos were incredible to work with and I’m lucky to have them in my life. I had an amazing weekend and learned so much from guiding others through this retreat experience.

Christmas is celebrated in Catholic communities worldwide. Easter, too, is celebrated around the globe. New Year’s is universal no matter your religious beliefs. Valentine’s Day? St. Patrick’s Day? I can only hope to bring those traditions to light in Rwanda. Thanksgiving, however – for the people of Rwanda this upcoming Thursday will be just like any other Thursday. Work, school, chores… whatever your daily routine calls for. This first holiday, of all the holidays, will be the most difficult.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. The whole celebration is a means to just be together. There are no presents to be given, no eggs to be hidden, merely “the three F’s,” as my fifth grade teacher used to call say – Food, Family, and Football. The food is truly wonderful and is a lovely tradition, the football is a fun way to bring comradery, but laughing together, sharing together, just being together is what I love so much about this American holiday.

Being far from home and being in a developing country, I’ve been realizing just how much I have to be thankful for. As Josh Groban so eloquently puts it, “Some days we forget to look around us. Some days we can’t see the joy that surrounds us.” Here, I’ve been faced with poverty and with the painful scars of loss. I’ve always been told that I am “lucky,” that I am “blessed,” but putting yourself in such a drastically different environment truly brings out the legitimacy of those words. I have a supportive and loving family, incredible friends, a college degree, and besides trying to find the “right path” for me, no problems to speak of. Not once have I ever gone without a meal because there was no food. Not once have I had to worry about if I will be able to continue my education for lack of funding. I’ve also never had to fear for my own life or for those I love – here, the story is much different.

To be honest, I am somewhat hesitant to even talk about the tradition of Thanksgiving with my class this week. What is the premise? – feasting with your family. When studying the topic of Family a few weeks back, I had many questions like “If your father was killed and your mother remarried, what do you call him?” Without batting an eyelash. I know, too, that sixteen years has gone by since the War and that there are scars but there has also been great healing. Besides, many of my students (and most others) only are able to eat one meal a day. Yes, they are well aware that I am American and thus come from a different background, but how can I explain the idea of “eating so much that I have to take a nap under the table?”

On Sunday after mass and lunch, Sister Emma asked to look through the films I’d brought here with me. I handed her the book and headed off to my weekly phone time with my family. During that conversation, my parents talked some about their plans for Thursday at Auntie Cheryl’s house, but I could sense that talking too much about the holiday would be too painful for them as well as for me. Welling up a little, I tried not to think about this beautiful American holiday passing without my fully partaking. Before we got off the phone, we arranged a time to speak on Thursday (afternoon for me, morning for them) and said our “goodbyes.”

When I headed to the kitchen to fill my water bottle, I heard some familiar music playing. In the Spring of senior year when on the K13 team, I had bought the entire soundtrack to Dan in Real Life. There was one song that had stuck out to me that was both lively and poignant which I could use for the retreat (with a string accompaniment)– “Let my Love Open the Door.” The problem was that it was only sold online as a part of the whole. I’ve heard the soundtrack for this film so many times that it feels like an old friend.More than a just catchy music, the first time I saw the film I thought of our annual Camp Barry tradition. The whole family is at a house together for a few days (in Rhode Island, no less) and does ridiculous things like a talent show. This family laughs and plays and jokes just like the Barry bunch. From the first viewing, this was special.

As I had missed the first hour or so of the movie, it was not long after I sat down with Sister Emma and Joselyne that my song came on. I couldn’t help tearing up, but tried not to make it obvious. That would surely be a long story, especially in French.

Filled with warm and tingly feelings, I returned to my room after the movie to leave a voicemail for my dear friend Rob – he was part of the K13 team with me and was given the honor of directing the K16 retreat this weekend. As I told him what had happened with this “God moment,” I realized that because of the time difference, it is possible that at the same time I was hearing “Let my Love Open the Door,” a similar experience was happening in Connecticut (I’m sorry, I wish I could be more specific).

I was absolutely astonished. Of all the movies to pick, of all the days to choose it, how did Sr. Emma pick Dan in Real Life? Just as I needed a pick-me-up from the gloom-and-doom of missing Kairos weekend and missing Thanksgiving, fate stepped in and gave me a breath of fresh air.

When everything feels all over,

Everybody seems unkind,

I’ll give you a four-leaf clover,

Take all the worry out of your mind.

I have the only key to your heart,

I can stop you from falling apart,

Release yourself from misery,

Only one thing’s gonna set you free, that’s my love.

Let my love open the door,

Let my love open the door,

Let my love open the door to your heart.