le 16 novembre Before leaving the States, my dear friend Kathryn gave me an envelope that was taped shut and read “For my Laura. For that day when you need a boost or a reminder of how much you CAN handle.” Upon my arrival here, I put the letter in an accessible place, but not in a place where it would be staring at me each and every day. Today. It was today that I needed to rip open up and read what she’d so carefully and lovingly written for me.
Ms. Kathryn spent last year in Nicaragua, studying abroad for the full scholastic year. Having gone through the January 2009 Jamaica service trip together (as my roommate, might I add) and remaining a close friend, she not only knows me but understands what I’m going through in this mission experience. I knew that would find strength in her words, but was dreading the day when I would have to open her letter.
There are times when we find ourselves at a low point, and it’s only when we step back that we can see all the forces that have culminated in this downfall. I’ve been in Rwanda now for almost seven weeks now. It’s been seven weeks since I’ve seen my family, my friends… any Americans at all, for that matter. I’m not only on another continent but am seven hours ahead of the life that I know. (When Rhode Island turned back their clocks, I went from 6 to 7 hours ahead. My dad said, “you feel further!” I do feel further.) [I’ve not checked my email for 2 weeks, either. I was extremely busy with class starting up, then we had no power for a few days and now are going on a week with no money on our internet account – could I feel further from home?!] My schedule (which is packed to the gills), my meals, everything is not under my control. Except when teaching English, I’m using French all of the time. And sometimes I’m even more alienated when I’m trying to speak with someone who knows neither French nor English, only Kinyarwanda. Oh, is that ever frustrating. Besides Sr. Emma who’s recently arrived, I’m the only white person for miles. Everywhere I go, people look at me – whether good or bad attention that varies, but my presence is always known.
Today though? Today’s when everything came together to smack me in the face. I wake up at 5h30 every morning to go to mass, eat breakfast, and then get to the school around 7h40 for the start of class at 8h00. I can’t say I was feeling my best this morning, and was hoping my well-prepared lesson would just teach itself. Fat chance. Lucky for me, the students are in la-la land. Today everyone has the attention span of a goldfish and doesn’t feel like responding to my questions. As my dad says, “it’s like pulling teeth.” The most difficult part is that class is FOUR HOURS LONG. If the students have no interest in being there for whatever reason, it’s my responsibility to get them involved and keep them engaged for FOUR hours. We finally made it to noon and sent them on their way, but I was barely hanging on to my sanity. (Oh, but they have such good hearts – I got hugs and smiles on their way out.)
At lunch afterwards, Sr. Josephine asked me about class, as she had seen I was a bit discouraged. I told her what the situation was and that it was just an off day for all of us and tomorrow would be better. Just take a deep breath, I told myself, it was just a rough day. Then she asked me about my tutoring in the afternoons.
I talked with my parents on Sunday night about the situation with the girl I’ve been tutoring in the afternoons. She’d come to Sr. Gisele on the first day of the English class to proclaim that she would like to start classes here in January. She’s never had an English class before in her life, though, which presented a bit of a problem – classes will be taught solely in English starting in January. Sister suggested I tutor her in the afternoons and she agreed. Each day from 4-6, we agreed, would work for both of us. We’ve had to start from scratch – colors, numbers, conjugating “to be” in simple present – and using French as a median, for the most part. Yes, there’s a lot to be done, but it is absolutely possible. The problem, though? Only once has she ever been on most of the people I interact with will never leave Rwanda. I have so much to give just by being ME.
“No one ever said it was going to be easy, they just said it was going to be worth it.”
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